♥ Thursday, June 30, 2011

Oh My Tian~

I really love this Gucci~ so Nice~

♥琳琳♥

8:31 PM

♥

Today is his off day~ he is coming to accompany me to eat my late lunch~Now waiting for him to come~ so boring at work place~

We went opposite to have fried fish soup rice and he went to buy his mouse and take train home~

I really appreciate him coming to find me at work place and accompany me eat ~ :)

At night~ just realize my shoes spoilt~ the mouth behind the shoes opened le~Haix ... tell him he also will not bring a shoes come save me de~ I trying to go home by walking slowly~ hopefully the shoes can tahan me till I reached home~ now safely in MRT~ as sitting down so no need put pressure on my shoes ~ :(

♥琳琳♥

8:29 AM

♥ Wednesday, June 29, 2011

Can u imagine telling ur secret to someone you trust and that person always said that u don't trust him and he got drunk and angry or quarrel with you and leak out your secret to his good friend and his good friend happened to quarrel with his wife and the wife tell you that she know your secret~ Can anyone understand my feeling???no matter what he said is true or out of anger he anyhow say bad things about me~ it is wrong to have said things that is untrue and what people will think???

I really angry and i just want him to understand that this is not the right things to do and that it shouldn't happen in the first place if he is mature enough in thinking~

I am disappointed in his act in drinking and disappearing then found out his immature way of telling other people things that he shouldn't said ~ its making my impression of him real bad~
If he could just show me and proved to me that he will change~i will feel my effort worthwhile~ but if he is not~ its fine~ cause i am changing myself for my ownself~not for others~ but for a better future~

♥琳琳♥

4:49 AM

♥ Monday, June 27, 2011

I duno wanted to laugh or cry~ he went out to drink with the same guy again~he said that he is good enough to have call me to tell me~So i noted his message to me~

I told him that he promise me not to drink~i thought is no more drinking~but he roti prata his words and said that he didn't said in details~its actually he will still drink~ but not go pub ~

He seem cannot get my message~i actually never wanted him to quit drinking~my purpose of stopping him for the time being is that i wanted him to learn to control his drinking~ not to the extend of MIA again~

Anyway~i can only acknowledge and noted that he go drink le~

I don't want to talked much since i misunderstanding his promise to me~whatever he said i cannot say much~as long as he know what he doing and never betray me~

________________________________________________________________

was shocked today~suddenly received sms in the afternoon from my best friend that she is going to divorece with her husband and at night i received another sms from another good friend of mine that she is going to divorce with her husband~ Oh my tian~ what is going on~ Why like that :(

♥琳琳♥

7:55 PM

♥

why I always got the same feeling... he really dislike hanging out with me :( or he see me till sian le... her ex gf recently bk to FB~ I duno why I feel myself liked a replaced of her~ maybe I think too much ... but we have the similar teeth and is at the right side ~ Haix...

Yest I drink one bottle hoe garden then went to sleep de~ tonight I never go OT but I worked my normal shift ~ as he told me he going out later and today is his off day~ so I think it's better for me to go work ~

♥琳琳♥

10:55 AM

♥

I am sad~ sad that I duno why he must get angry with I just asked a normal questions and he cannot answered me with patience and get worked up easily~ everything was fine~ I may still be myself and liked to asked alot questions but I tried cut down ~ I try my best de~

can u believe me that I try de? :(

♥琳琳♥

1:25 AM

♥ Sunday, June 26, 2011

I went to Haw Par Villa~ haha~ not like last time so fun as of my memories~ cause I wanted to sit the boat to go one round ~ but the guy there told me there is no boat to sit for quite long already as they have stopped le~ :( so I just took a few pictures there~

After that I msg him and meet up with him~ things nv go well though we nv meet 6 days de ~ :( haix he is unhappy abt what I said to him ~ cause he nv come find me instead he told me he going pub with his colleagues as the girl's birthday ~ I m upset cos he nv find me instead he say he wanted to go pub as not going there until too late and he also asked me joined him de~

♥琳琳♥

11:41 PM

♥ Saturday, June 25, 2011

6 days never see him~maybe i should just forget his face~I shouldn't hope much anyway~why am i still hoping???i know him well de~As times passed~i become numb~once i get used to it~ i will be used to it~ Time will heal us~

Its pain ~ but there is nothing i can do~

I don't feel good at all~ but what can i do~

I just wish i can get over all this as soon as possible~

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
he said that i treat him like dog like prisoner~but what does he treat me as~ i felt invisible to him~he thought that everyday we are together and stay together means he got accompany me~but what he does was to play game~watch TV and use Iphone and then sleep~is not that i wanted to complained~i just wanted his attention badly when he never notice me at all~ i think he has lost interested in me~ he totally treat me invisible at time~ when i really felt upset~I am not blaming him as maybe this is his character or he really over-looked it~ i just need his love~

♥琳琳♥

12:17 PM

♥ Wednesday, June 22, 2011

Today is the third day I never get to see him already... i guess he feel nothing or maybe happy ~ no one will stopped him from doing anything already~so it will just go on and on till i forget his face ba... slowly he will get over it as well ~ cos time is always the best medicine~

I don't know how long this can go on~ but i wont be going back as he will not change~is his character~i cn only choose to accept~ is not i dun want to accept but he cannot accept my character~

I am tired that if this just go on and on and on ~ it will be never ending and we can't get married due to the courses that he cannot tahan my characters~then there is no reason to keep dragging and holding on le...

♥琳琳♥

1:01 PM

♥

Yesterday i finish worked and i went back home~while on my way~i msg to asked him where is he~he told me that he is still at Kopitiam drinking with his friend and last bottle already~ he is tired and wanted to go home sleep~

Then when i reached home~we still talked by texting and around 11.00pm~he never replied me~ i called him a few times and he rejected my call and then off his hp~I called many times~ then i realised i called 90 times Zzz

His friend's wife ask me to go find him~i tell her how to find when i don't even know where they are~if he wanted to avoid my calls ~ he wouldnt be so stupid still at kopitiam ma~i really pissed off de~

I continued called till duno how many time la then i give up calling~ard 1.15am he then called me and msg me~i just replied him that we are over~

Then he waited my replied till 1.38am and he msg that he go to sleep~i was online all the while~just that i do not know what to said ~ i am damn pissed off~ since he can't be bother already~why i should bother so much~i care so much for what ~ make myself miserable~

Where got pple asked you to trust them and he know that you hate it when you cant find him ~ this is the one thing i really hate MOST~he still purposely switch off his phone and tell me low batt~ i remember clearly that he told me he got full batt when he go out~ he go out at around 7pm plu~ till 11 pm only 4 hours which he didnt really used the phone at all since he chatting with his friend~ how can the phone be low batt~ i really duno lah~very sian~ already like that he still choose to do this to me~

what is he hinting to me~i think he just wanted to make me feel so SUX...

The feeling is worse than beating me up~ I cannot find him anywhere and how can he be so cruel and never think of my feeling at all~ am I not human ~ I am really disappointed and he never respect me at all~ just anyhow answer me or say he is still drinking I also happy~ is it really so hard to answer my questions? if you really love someone why can't do anything? I still rem that time we have a misunderstanding that I jio Barry go out~ he wanted me to clarify and msg him to asked him ~ I felt Pai Sei cos it's really a miscommunication ~ I also listened to him and msg my Fren~ what would he think? although I dun care how he would think as the main point is to prove myself to him that I nv jio Barry out~ After the incident~ I nv mention anything le~ but whenever we quarrel~ he had to always bring the past and say me~ I also try to bear with it and keep quiet~ until I cannot tahan as he talked too long le eg. 1 to 2 hours ~ then I stopped him~ he never realize people feeling~ only want people to feel his feeling and understand him~ even when he himself ask me to exchange with him by writing how much I know him and he know me~ I wrote to him and I did think alot before I write and he just tell me that he too busy and nv write~ when I force him to write to me as I really want to know how much he really understand me~ in the end ~ he copy right mine~ I am so disappointed~ must all this be said out? I dun understand ~ I all keep in my heart as if I said out my feeling~ I am still wrong~ I always lost to reason out with him ~ I duno how to express myself~I hate my characters ~ but I m still who I m~ :(

♥琳琳♥

6:02 AM

♥ Monday, June 20, 2011

Now my thinking is better and clearer~we managed to talked 20mins without quarrel by texting~thats a good record after so long together ba~He realised what i know about him that i couldnt do and what i wanted he cant be~ is there really such things as not suitable in this world~

I always thought that two person can be together is fated~how to maintain the RS and keep it growing is how the two person change for each other to become one that understand one another needs~

No need to be "xin ling xiang tong" at least know what the other party's want~duno why we two just cant have the chemistry~

Now the two of us holding on to a rope~seeing who will cut it~if don't cut the rope~who is going to tied the knot???

Really puzzled~ my feeling keep going on and off like engine spolit~ i also don't know how long can this go on~ is so xin ku~ than i dun want to cry as it cannot solved the problems~ yet my heart is so pain~

Finally i grabbed my chocolate in the drawer to eat~ as i read before that eating chocolate can be happy~although i cant feel any~ but it helps to reduce a little bit of my hunger now~

♥琳琳♥

8:24 PM

♥

How to change myself?

No matter how I wish to change myself~ I still can't control myself~ I just asked him why he online what's app just now as I saw him online~ he get irritated and said that he did not~ but I really saw and took a pic to show him ~ then he said that I dun believe his words and irritated him first and that I believe a application~ I even told him maybe he clicked accidentally~ he started to make a fuss out of it and I stopped the conversation by blocking him since the conversation is getting nowhere~

I realize that I still can't stopped asking him questions and he still can't answered my questions~ I guess this is our fate le~ we totally cannot communicate even a small things it will become so big~

He supposed to changed his hub ID to be relevant to me but he did not I guess~ but nevermind ba~ since things as become what it is now~ is better that we stopped contacting~ I get so tired whenever talking to him and he get agitated as and when de~ he has lose his patient in me so why do I still holding on ~

Like that who can i talked to~i cannot talked to him~i don't know what can say and what cannot say and i scared i said things that he don't like to hear than how how how~

♥琳琳♥

2:07 PM

♥

I meet up with Sharon yesterday as she wanted to show me her new bf~ so we went sakae sushi to have our dinner as she wanted to eat that~ then we chit chat about how both of them got to know one another and my problems with Dearie~

In the midst of chatting~ her bf actually asked me a few questions which has been rounding ard my mind till today~ he asked me if my bf ever betray me and I say "no ba"~ then he asked me why am I so jealousy over tiny things then~ is it that I got no confident in myself ~ then I told him abt my heat rashes that I felt ashame of when people look at me like creature and that I will make my bf lose face when we are outside and happen that I got my rashes~ then he told me that since ur bf has accepted that why should I be bother over those unnecessary thing and think too much ~ I duno what I scared to lost also~ maybe I just taking precaution and that I dun want things to happen and I overlook that by doing this I am actually making the things I dun wish to happen happened~

I still can't really get my mind correct~ I wish to think and consider longer~ thus I will be staying at my own Hse for now~

♥琳琳♥

11:19 AM

♥ Sunday, June 19, 2011

The last day we spent our time together before I shifted back home~ he is playing WT and I am watching TV~

I have decided to stop all things~cause is me who cannot changed... I have read online that other woman also have this kind of character but they managed to get married which I duno how their husband going to handle~ they are still like that now and they also hate it like me but just duno how to stop anyhow think~

I duno how to change myself... I do not want to hurt anyone... so I choose this path~ hope that he can find someone better ~

♥琳琳♥

12:05 AM

♥ Friday, June 17, 2011

Last night after work~ I went to SK Kopitiam to find him and his friends as he was there drinking and he said that we can have dinner or packed home after I finish work~

After he finished drinking~we took a bus home~ everytime after he drink~ he liked to talk talk talk .... talk talk talk... so I just listen listen listen ... till we reached home~

As we packed fishball noodle home to eat~ I faster go bath and we eat together~ Everything seem fine like normal~ then he started to question me why am I treating him like the way he treat me~ "cos he always reject me when I wanted to feel close with him" then he say that I am revengeful~then I am unhappy to hear that~ I say that I am not as revengeful as him~ I should say cunning~

Actually really nothing one leh... we never had any argument at all but I duno why he wanted to start ...
Then he started to bring out all the past and his sorrow to me and say that I made him look like cold storage crabby that was tied ~ I dun want to say anything than he say that me and his superior or manager more suitable~ than I angry again... after I start to talk back at him~ things got worse~

Those hurtful words... I duno he mean or dun mean it... has made me cry whole night till I sleep ~

Then I packed my clothes as he said to "break up" and asked me to shifted home sat or sun~but I cannot stand him keep talking non stop even he said the break up~

So I wanted to moved bk home straight~ then he get more work up and duno use what to strangle me~ cos I let loose myself when he do that but instead of dying I felt pain behind my back~ I duno how I got hurt~ but when I moved my left hand I can feel like pain ~

Then I give up... I asked him what he want... he say he want sleep and warn me dun disturb his family sleeping( but he himself shout here and there) I dun want to argue with a crazy man...

I told him "ok then, I will move bk Hm sat and sun"

Shortly he fall asleep and I can't sleep~ cos my stupid tears keep rolling down my cheek... I can't rem when I actually sleep~worst things is suddenly memories flash back to how we actually get to know each other and together... bits and pieces just keep rushing in my head and i cannot sleep and felt upset...

Today after i wake up and prepare myself for work ~ i thought that i will felt better~ but it turned out as if i did not sleep at all~ Zzzz

While I was on my way to work~ when I walked and in train... people thought I siao ba... can just keep crying...

I cannot control my stupid tears...

Anyway... is all my fault... my character has lead to this...

I can't be a good gf...but i hope i can be a good friends to many ~

I can make it de... after so many things happen... I should be stronger and stronger....

FML fuck the hell out of me CCB

♥琳琳♥

8:54 AM

♥ Thursday, June 16, 2011

Today mood "peace" at the moment ~ when he is sleeping haven't wake up ~ I am late for work as I missed my bus and took a wrong bus 372, thinking that just one bus stop away I will reach SK interchange but I was wrong ~ it went one round before it reach interchange~ shit men~

I dun wish to waste $ and take cab so I SMS my superior that I will be late~

So Sianzzzz dun feel like working le~ no motivation now~ worst thing is I duno why I m feeling like this ~ Haix

.............................................................................................................
At 12.30pm~After he wake up~ is like HELL~ Fuck man~Hate to talked to him~
I never keep asking him same questions and he anyhow say i keep asking~nevermind la~he like that say he will happy right~let him say ~ say say say finished le~still asked people stomach ok ma~ Better don't asked lah~ don't need his fake care sia~

He think only in this world he is the best~ dreaming la him~just keep dreaming~

..............................................................................................................

He waked up and go back to sleep then around 5.00pm plu called me again and said that he just wake up~so i asked him how is he, as he was sick, having sore throat ~ then he started to say "don't worry lah...i never go anywhere, i am at home" SUX sia~shouldn't even concern him~ i should just asked him where he go to better off~

Know what the feeling like when you concern people and kenna said like you are suspecting him even thought you did not~

Ya lah~ i know is my fucking fault that make him think that all my questions are all suspecting him lo~so i should just don't ask better~

[Posted with iBlogger from my iPhone]

♥琳琳♥

11:59 AM

♥ Wednesday, June 15, 2011

I am stubborn
I am unreasonable
I am impatient
I am jealousy
I am possessive
I am selfish
I have short tempered

The only thing I have is time~ I can give up everything for my love one and find whatever time I have and I can to be by his side~

but he can't be like me and I can't want him to be like me cause I don't have the right in the first place~

is there anyone out there who have time like me???

or I am a weirdo living in this world?

is it wrong to be like this? why my character so different from other peoples?

if they got time~ they rather go meet friends and do things they like...I feel that I am so out of the circle~

♥琳琳♥

10:58 PM

♥

Sometime i really wonder when he can really do anything~ just anything to make me happen~it is really so hard to make me happy or it is i am so hard to be happy~ Sianzzz

♥琳琳♥

8:31 PM

♥

14th June 2011

Today I never go to work cause I having stomache~ from morning till now~ my stomach still pain and cramp as and when~ :(

Dearie off day today~ he cooked porridge for me then in the end half way~ go play his WT ~ Zzz so I cooked myself~ I cannot keep moving cos duno which position then it will cramp~ lying down is better~

The doctor give me the medicine for cramp and diarrhoea medicine two kind but I already no diarrhoea le~

♥琳琳♥

1:04 AM

♥ Tuesday, June 14, 2011

Today i took time off to visit Grandma in Changi Hospital ~I worked until 6.00pm~ so i meet up Mei Mei at Paya Lebar MRT then we changed to don't know what line (think east line) then took MRT to Simei and walked to the hospital~ as my grandma talked Teochew~i don't really understand and know how to talked to her ~ but i still try my best to talked to her~but my mei mei very talkative~she can really talked to Grandma ~ at least she won't be bored~ when we reached there my uncle is around taking care of her ~

After my uncle left~Mei Mei and i accompany Grandma for sometime as Mei Mei scared that Grandma will feel lonely~so we stayed around and chat with her~understand from my uncle that Grandma might be able to go home tomorrow~feel glad to hear that~

After that~as Mei Mei and i get hungry~we took the MRT to Tampines Mall to find Di Di as he working there and Mei Mei buy KOI and we went MOS Burger to have dinner~

We went NTUC to buy baby's milk powder then waited for Di Di to finished work and took a bus home~Actually the bus will go to SK~but i don't understand Dearie said the bus stop at where and i missed the bus stop~in the end i was at Buangkok MRT~so i alighted with Mei Mei and Di Di and they took a bus home while i took a train to meet up with Dearie at SK MRT~

I accompany him to SK Kopitiam to packed Roti Prata home to eat~

♥琳琳♥

2:09 AM

♥ Thursday, June 9, 2011

I now really understand why girl with broken heart find a gf instead of bf~ cos girl still understand girl the best still~

so it applies to guy too~ why they choose bf instead of girls ~

♥琳琳♥

5:29 PM

♥

最讨厌别人把自己的开心建立在别人的痛苦上~

妈的~生气还要装不气~

Arghh

♥琳琳♥

10:54 AM

♥ Wednesday, June 8, 2011

I duno why~ but i just can't help to keep my tears from falling~

I hate the feeling of hurt~WTF~ Love Hurtz~

I am not young anymore~i don't want to get hurt or hurt anyone~

I just want to smile~go for my trip that i long wanted to go~

Be with the one who i love and together forever :)

♥琳琳♥

8:47 PM

♥

This is how our love started and now it has become so jialat~

We can't go back to the past and we can see no future either~

Both of us are tired~but still holding on to each other bcos we still love~we cant bear to be apart~

Solutions was given and i had never change as he wanted me to~

He get agitated by me easily~whenever is i mean it or not what i mean~ it has all become i mean it~

I cannot explained to him and when i explained he can't understand me~i cannot sweet talk or talk real nice as what he wanted~

He has already gone too far away from me now~here i am~behind chasing the air~i cannot catch up with him anymore~ the pace is different now~

Truly speaking~when i come work today i told to myself not to bother or get angry or say wrong things to him~but WTF~ i did it again~i can just click on the button mute in my mouth is the best~why i cannot just be a sweet girl~i also dun understand~

Haizzz... now things get mess up~my work is fuck up~i m really CCB~

♥琳琳♥

8:29 PM

♥

I totally no mood to write anything ~

Don't asked me why~ i also duno~

Nothing good to write about and i am speechless~

I do not wish to talk to anyone ~

Just leave me ALONE~

♥琳琳♥

12:32 PM

♥

Yesterday I finish worked at 6.00pm~ I went bugis village and walk walk~bought two pairs of earrings~ one dress~two sphagetti top~2 pairs socks and a belt~ spend $100 plu O_O

Then I took a bus to MBS and bought sushi and ice lemon tea ~ find a spot and waited for him to finish work ~

♥琳琳♥

10:53 AM

♥ Tuesday, June 7, 2011

我向上帝祈求给我一个爱我的男孩~我真的拥有了一个爱我的人~可是为什么他和我是相反的~意见不合~难乙沟通~

难到我们真的是没有缘分~还是只是路过而已~

♥琳琳♥

6:09 PM

♥ Monday, June 6, 2011

Recently or i should say he last time already liked ba~ now is crazy over this girl below~ i almost say B.... ~:

Hopefully i didn't catch the wrong picture~ he so liked her hor~ can go Korea find la~ this one so young sia~

ARGHHHH~

ANGRYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY~

♥琳琳♥

6:22 PM

♥

♥琳琳♥

3:38 PM

♥

Today was SUX...

I shouldn't be so kpo to wake him men~i should know he will wake up himself~since he love to go work so much sia~

I reached work place around 8.30am~afraid that he overslept ~ so i called him to check if he is awake and preparing also inform him that its raining~he might need to carry an umbrella~ He just answered me so impaitently that he is waiting for bus or he is going to take bus~ not sure what he say la~but i felt so stupid after that conversation~so i just hang up after he said that he is awake~

I totally felt sian when i reached my work place~don't felt like talking to him in any way~

♥琳琳♥

10:04 AM

♥

4th June 2011

I saw my sister packing her wardrobe~ so i also packed mine~shit men~my mummy and sister "suan" me~ said that no matter how i packed the wardrobe will be still fulled~ Ya~ they are always right~cause all clothes i can't bear to throw one~ >.<

I throw all the clothes on my bed ~

No place for new clothes :(

I have my favourite Hoegarden before i went to bed~ so shoik~ get abit tipsy before i sleep~

5th June 2011

I meet up with Ying at PS ~

We went to Wang Cafe as i told her that i wanted to drink "Yin Yang" hehe~

So we went to level 6 ~ ordered "Yin Yang" and Ying ordered "Lime juice"~then i ordered condensed milk and Peanut butter toast to shared~

Yin Yang

Lime Juice

Condensed Milk with Peanut Butter Toast

♥琳琳♥

9:57 AM

♥ Friday, June 3, 2011

Today i am not having a good mood~ can feel my temper very bad in the afternoon~but now at night already~maybe bcos its going to end work soon~i felt better :)

♥琳琳♥

7:51 PM

♥ Thursday, June 2, 2011

Today Dearie super nice to me~he actually come to my work place and accompany me eat Fish Soup as he is off today~

Then we had a short chat as i only got one hour break time then he go back home to play WT~

I felt appreciate that he make the afford to accompany me~ :)

At night i meet up with Dearie to have dinner at Long John Silver~He never eat~from his house he come and meet me at Compass Point~just to accompany me eat~he munch abit of the fries~

Then go back home and he play game while i sync my iphone as i very long time never sync~it takes me some time to do that~

Before i go to bed after watching "Liu Bo Wen"~i asked him to take out his earring as his Manager has asked him not to wear it during work~ then he say later~ so after awhile~i haven't sleep but he is like sleeping already~i told him to take out again then he show temper~saying that he has already told me like three times that he will rem to take out before he go to bed~ then i dulan already~cos very sickening~ to remind people and then people dun listen~so i dun bother about it and go to bed straight~

Nothing much happen and this is the first time he off day and we didn't quarrel~

P e a c e

♥琳琳♥

10:31 AM